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GO Magazine, June 2013

KiRel, Age 18, Ottumwa, Iowa

How can I say it without sounding racist? I fit in more with the white people than the black. I’m a little white boy honestly. The only time my black comes out is when I’m mad. Not a lot of people see that side of me. With my family, I still kind of feel like I’m a black sheep.

The only judgement I care about is my family’s. That was one of my worries when I came out, how my family was going to react. A trillion things going through my mind at rapid speed. But after I actually did it, nothing really changed. Most of them say as long “as you’re happy, I’m happy.” I know other relatives are gay, but not openly. They’ve come up to me, say “I’m gay.” or “I’m bisexual.”  I’m like, “They don’t treat you any different. They won’t treat me different.”

My one aunt is the family reverend. I’m gay, she’s a pastor, how’s that really going to work? I know she still loves me and everything.

My family’s big on religion, and I’m still pretty big on religion, even though I haven’t been to church in years. I was going to be a pastor, and I just drifted. I don’t have a good excuse. I don’t feel comfortable in church anymore, not completely because I’m gay. I just don’t really like going by myself, and sometimes Sunday’s the only time my mom has off so we don’t go to church. She works at the pig plant, cutting up the pigs, killing the pigs. Seventeen years she’s been doing that. She’s a hard-working woman.

Me and my mom are really, really close. Only special people get to meet my mom. I’m funny like that. I have an anchor tattoo to represent her. People say, “Don’t anchors hold people down?” The way I look at it is she keeps me strong. She’s always been there for me. She’s the only woman in my life who will be there for me.

My mom doesn’t handle stupidity. My mom doesn’t have many friends. She is kind of like me, in that she doesn’t like people. I have a lot of acquaintances, which is a lot different than friends. I have two friends who will actually be there for me.

The other day some kid called me a “stupid faggot” in front of a teacher. I asked him if he knew what the definition of a faggot was. I’m the only open one in the school. I’m in a whole bunch of different cliques so everyone knows I’m gay.

I am working on starting a GSA at the school. Dana at the Iowa Pride Network was contacting me, and asked me about my story and how everything is at school. She’s been very supportive. She talked with me, my ex-boyfriend and his family about how things were, and why we feel we need this GSA. It could make a difference. It comforts me for people to have somewhere to go and have people to talk to.

As told to Diana Scholl
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Ottumwa, Iowa, 2012
To share your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org

The only judgement I care about is my family’s. That was one of my worries when I came out, how my family was going to react. A trillion things going through my mind at rapid speed. But after I actually did it, nothing really changed. Most of them say as long “as you’re happy, I’m happy.” I know other relatives are gay, but not openly. They’ve come up to me, say “I’m gay.” or “I’m bisexual.”  I’m like, “They don’t treat you any different. They won’t treat me different.”

My one aunt is the family reverend. I’m gay, she’s a pastor, how’s that really going to work? I know she still loves me and everything.

My family’s big on religion, and I’m still pretty big on religion, even though I haven’t been to church in years. I was going to be a pastor, and I just drifted. I don’t have a good excuse. I don’t feel comfortable in church anymore, not completely because I’m gay. I just don’t really like going by myself, and sometimes Sunday’s the only time my mom has off so we don’t go to church. She works at the pig plant, cutting up the pigs, killing the pigs. Seventeen years she’s been doing that. She’s a hard-working woman.

Me and my mom are really, really close. Only special people get to meet my mom. I’m funny like that. I have an anchor tattoo to represent her. People say, “Don’t anchors hold people down?” The way I look at it is she keeps me strong. She’s always been there for me. She’s the only woman in my life who will be there for me.

My mom doesn’t handle stupidity. My mom doesn’t have many friends. She is kind of like me, in that she doesn’t like people. I have a lot of acquaintances, which is a lot different than friends. I have two friends who will actually be there for me.

The other day some kid called me a “stupid faggot” in front of a teacher. I asked him if he knew what the definition of a faggot was. I’m the only open one in the school. I’m in a whole bunch of different cliques so everyone knows I’m gay.

I am working on starting a GSA at the school. Dana at the Iowa Pride Network was contacting me, and asked me about my story and how everything is at school. She’s been very supportive. She talked with me, my ex-boyfriend and his family about how things were, and why we feel we need this GSA. It could make a difference. It comforts me for people to have somewhere to go and have people to talk to.

As told to Diana Scholl
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Ottumwa, Iowa, 2012
To share your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org

When I first started college I was like, “Oh my God, I’m going to fail everything.” My writing was really bad. But it’s not that hard. I’m getting As and Bs. For next year I’m going to try to do more things with the art history association. I was in arts club at school. I’d love to talk about what the art meant and ideology. There weren’t a lot of people you could talk to about art in my high school in a really critical way.

I really want to have a gallery. Not a museum. I don’t think museums really become involved in art until it becomes mainstream or awesome. I’d like to put on a gallery of artists that are working at that time, whose art is going to end up in museums.

I’ve learned a lot being away at school. Like, I’ve always had feminist ideals but I didn’t want to be seen as super-crazy or aggressive. I never thought I could identify as a feminist, but in my sorority they had a workshop about feminism which I really liked. Once I learned I didn’t have to follow everything, now I am a feminist.

My sorority is an LGBT sorority. I went to their info session, and I really liked what they stand for. I liked how small it is. I’m not really good with big groups of people.

I identify as bisexual. When I was younger I didn’t really understand sexuality. I would just identify as straight because there were no females I strongly wanted to have a relationship with. So I would tell myself to stop thinking things. I would have the same emotions if I saw a really cute boy or cute girl. For females I’d think, “It’s probably just because I want to look like her.” In my senior year of high school, I realized I didn’t want to be them, I just really felt attracted to them.

My family and friends are really accepting people. But my family reacted really well I think because I wasn’t telling them I was going to be in a relationship. My father doesn’t want me to tell people. He thinks I’ll regret it, or someone’s going to end up hurting me.

I don’t want to date a girl now, because I don’t really know how my family or friends would react, or even how people in general would react. And I don’t want to put someone through the same possible negative reactions because I want to be very courteous to the person I decide to have that type of relationship with. If that relationship doesn’t end up working I don’t want them to think it’s because I’m straight. I would rather my first relationship with a girl be serious and not just a fling.

As told to Diana Scholl
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Los Angeles, CA, 2013
To share your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org

Jenecis, Age 18, Los Angeles, California

I don’t think my parents know how much it meant for me to get into UCLA. They only went up to primary school. They expected me to go to community college. To them it’s the same thing. You’re going to be farther away and have to pay more. I’m like, “Yeah, but it’s a really, really good school.” They saw how big it was, and how other people’s parents were really, really excited.

When I first started college I was like, “Oh my God, I’m going to fail everything.” My writing was really bad. But it’s not that hard. I’m getting As and Bs. For next year I’m going to try to do more things with the art history association. I was in arts club at school. I’d love to talk about what the art meant and ideology. There weren’t a lot of people you could talk to about art in my high school in a really critical way.

I really want to have a gallery. Not a museum. I don’t think museums really become involved in art until it becomes mainstream or awesome. I’d like to put on a gallery of artists that are working at that time, whose art is going to end up in museums.

I’ve learned a lot being away at school. Like, I’ve always had feminist ideals but I didn’t want to be seen as super-crazy or aggressive. I never thought I could identify as a feminist, but in my sorority they had a workshop about feminism which I really liked. Once I learned I didn’t have to follow everything, now I am a feminist.

My sorority is an LGBT sorority. I went to their info session, and I really liked what they stand for. I liked how small it is. I’m not really good with big groups of people.

I identify as bisexual. When I was younger I didn’t really understand sexuality. I would just identify as straight because there were no females I strongly wanted to have a relationship with. So I would tell myself to stop thinking things. I would have the same emotions if I saw a really cute boy or cute girl. For females I’d think, “It’s probably just because I want to look like her.” In my senior year of high school, I realized I didn’t want to be them, I just really felt attracted to them.

My family and friends are really accepting people. But my family reacted really well I think because I wasn’t telling them I was going to be in a relationship. My father doesn’t want me to tell people. He thinks I’ll regret it, or someone’s going to end up hurting me.

I don’t want to date a girl now, because I don’t really know how my family or friends would react, or even how people in general would react. And I don’t want to put someone through the same possible negative reactions because I want to be very courteous to the person I decide to have that type of relationship with. If that relationship doesn’t end up working I don’t want them to think it’s because I’m straight. I would rather my first relationship with a girl be serious and not just a fling.

As told to Diana Scholl
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Los Angeles, CA, 2013
To share your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org

I was raised by two people that were part of the punk scene here, so I was raised listening to the Ramones and the Clash and stuff like that. But the first band I got into on my own was the Dead Kennedys so they’re really important to me.

My dad was a drummer in a punk band, and my mom never played many instruments but she was at shows a lot. I think they’re proud of me. My mom works weekends, but my dad is usually at our shows. Sometimes he’s like, “You should do it like this!” And you know, sometimes I get weirded out by the fact that I might be following in my parent’s footsteps.

I started playing the drumset in seventh grade. We started our band ConeTrauma in March or April of last year and it’s just been going really, really fast. We started and then a few weeks after that we got our first show. We’ve had a show pretty much once a month since then.

I want us to be well known within the scene and be able to play around the country. My aspiration is to try and make it so we can start up a scene again and have high schoolers going to shows, because they don’t do that anymore. Kids don’t look at posters or know what’s going on. So that’s an aspiration that one day we can get a bunch of high school bands and get them together and form an actual scene again instead of being disjointed.

I don’t think I could date someone that’s into completely different types of music than me. If there was a gay girl that liked me and was into the same music and stuff, and maybe played an instrument I would probably be interested.

For a while I was just identifying as queer because I didn’t want to have to define a term, but then I went through the entire complication of having to explain it to every single person. Then for a while I was kind of saying that I was bi, for a while I was saying that I was a lesbian who occasionally liked guys. But now I’m kind of back to queer. But the point is I’m mostly into girls but sometimes like guys.

On the attraction level I’m way more attracted to girls. Once in awhile I will be attracted to a guy. But it would be really hard for me to date one, with the things that have happened to me and stuff like that. It’s to the point where it used to be I couldn’t even hug guys because it felt so horrible to me.

I was sort of abused by someone in an unusual way with lots of sexual overtones.

And it just makes me feel really bad that I’m just proving the people right; people always say queer girls were abused and stuff like that. It makes me feel like I’m proving a stereotype.

I am working through my feelings about this through music and stuff like that. Art and music are just usually the way that I have to deal with things that happen to me.

As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Iowa City, IA, 2012
To share your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org

Natasha, Age 15, Iowa City, Iowa

I’m wearing high tops because I just found them again. I’m wearing fishnets because it was cold outside. And I’m wearing the skirt because my friend gave it to me. And I’m wearing a Dead Kennedys shirt because they’re a good band.

I was raised by two people that were part of the punk scene here, so I was raised listening to the Ramones and the Clash and stuff like that. But the first band I got into on my own was the Dead Kennedys so they’re really important to me.

My dad was a drummer in a punk band, and my mom never played many instruments but she was at shows a lot. I think they’re proud of me. My mom works weekends, but my dad is usually at our shows. Sometimes he’s like, “You should do it like this!” And you know, sometimes I get weirded out by the fact that I might be following in my parent’s footsteps.

I started playing the drumset in seventh grade. We started our band ConeTrauma in March or April of last year and it’s just been going really, really fast. We started and then a few weeks after that we got our first show. We’ve had a show pretty much once a month since then.

I want us to be well known within the scene and be able to play around the country. My aspiration is to try and make it so we can start up a scene again and have high schoolers going to shows, because they don’t do that anymore. Kids don’t look at posters or know what’s going on. So that’s an aspiration that one day we can get a bunch of high school bands and get them together and form an actual scene again instead of being disjointed.

I don’t think I could date someone that’s into completely different types of music than me. If there was a gay girl that liked me and was into the same music and stuff, and maybe played an instrument I would probably be interested.

For a while I was just identifying as queer because I didn’t want to have to define a term, but then I went through the entire complication of having to explain it to every single person. Then for a while I was kind of saying that I was bi, for a while I was saying that I was a lesbian who occasionally liked guys. But now I’m kind of back to queer. But the point is I’m mostly into girls but sometimes like guys.

On the attraction level I’m way more attracted to girls. Once in awhile I will be attracted to a guy. But it would be really hard for me to date one, with the things that have happened to me and stuff like that. It’s to the point where it used to be I couldn’t even hug guys because it felt so horrible to me.

I was sort of abused by someone in an unusual way with lots of sexual overtones.

And it just makes me feel really bad that I’m just proving the people right; people always say queer girls were abused and stuff like that. It makes me feel like I’m proving a stereotype.

I am working through my feelings about this through music and stuff like that. Art and music are just usually the way that I have to deal with things that happen to me.

As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Iowa City, IA, 2012
To share your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org

Ever since I was little we were raised Methodist. Not by my mom because she’s not very church-y but people in the family were very Protestant in their beliefs. I just never really got the whole idea of one God, and why it just had to be a man and there wasn’t any feminine aspect to anything. So I researched and I talked to people that were of other religions and Paganism was the only religion that came from the heart and made sense to me.

Paganism is a very old religion; 15,000 years-old, approximately. We worship nature. There are male and female aspects of the God and the Goddess and everything on Earth. We hold the Earth sacred, and worship it as a divine being in itself.

I was in a group of people who worshiped together, but that broke up mostly because our high priestess decided that she didn’t want the thing going on at her house because her mom wasn’t accepting of it. So it was hard to arrange meetings, and barely anybody showed up half the time. It was kind of a waste. So I’ve been worshiping solitarily since middle school.

Usually if it’s the full moon I’ll meditate and do all that, and call down the moon which means you draw down energy from the moon, because it’s the celestial symbol of the goddess. You put that forth throughout the world to heal the people that need help and find cures for diseases. I don’t heal other people because I don’t want people coming into the house who I don’t know. So I usually heal myself or the cat if she’s not feeling good.

Paganism is accepting of everyone–blind, gay, deaf, straight. I’ve always known since I was little that I was gay, which I guess is really cliche and everyone says that. I guess my first real experience was when I was at camp. The shower rooms weren’t divided, I guess, I thought it just felt right to be in there. I went out with a bunch of girls from like sixth grade to eighth grade. And I realized that after I went out with my best friend Ashley that I didn’t like girls and there was nothing there. I connected, just not in that way.

I came out to my mom at the end of eighth grade. I took her to Texas Roadhouse and she was like, “I kind of already figured from your mannerisms.” And I was like “Oh wow, Mom, thanks!”

Coming out lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Life is much easier, because hiding from who you are can only bring bad karma to yourself and others. You’re not living the way you should so your body and your mind and your soul aren’t one. You’re just basically a zombie.

When I came out at school, at first a lot of people were very rude, and said, “Oh you’re just faking it because you want to be around girls.” I got called the f word all the time and homo and queer and all that. People would always go, “Oh that’s so gay “and then apologize to me. It doesn’t really matter to me until you apologize because then I know you meant it harmfully.

There are mean people everywhere who call you names and don’t like you because you’re gay or you’re black or Asian or whatever, there’s some stupid reason that people don’t like you for everything. But I like being around the people at school even though they might not like me. I try to love everyone because we’re supposed to.

As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Lincoln, NE, 2012
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org

Paganism is a very old religion; 15,000 years-old, approximately. We worship nature. There are male and female aspects of the God and the Goddess and everything on Earth. We hold the Earth sacred, and worship it as a divine being in itself.

I was in a group of people who worshiped together, but that broke up mostly because our high priestess decided that she didn’t want the thing going on at her house because her mom wasn’t accepting of it. So it was hard to arrange meetings, and barely anybody showed up half the time. It was kind of a waste. So I’ve been worshiping solitarily since middle school.

Usually if it’s the full moon I’ll meditate and do all that, and call down the moon which means you draw down energy from the moon, because it’s the celestial symbol of the goddess. You put that forth throughout the world to heal the people that need help and find cures for diseases. I don’t heal other people because I don’t want people coming into the house who I don’t know. So I usually heal myself or the cat if she’s not feeling good.

Paganism is accepting of everyone–blind, gay, deaf, straight. I’ve always known since I was little that I was gay, which I guess is really cliche and everyone says that. I guess my first real experience was when I was at camp. The shower rooms weren’t divided, I guess, I thought it just felt right to be in there. I went out with a bunch of girls from like sixth grade to eighth grade. And I realized that after I went out with my best friend Ashley that I didn’t like girls and there was nothing there. I connected, just not in that way.

I came out to my mom at the end of eighth grade. I took her to Texas Roadhouse and she was like, “I kind of already figured from your mannerisms.” And I was like “Oh wow, Mom, thanks!”

Coming out lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Life is much easier, because hiding from who you are can only bring bad karma to yourself and others. You’re not living the way you should so your body and your mind and your soul aren’t one. You’re just basically a zombie.

When I came out at school, at first a lot of people were very rude, and said, “Oh you’re just faking it because you want to be around girls.” I got called the f word all the time and homo and queer and all that. People would always go, “Oh that’s so gay “and then apologize to me. It doesn’t really matter to me until you apologize because then I know you meant it harmfully.

There are mean people everywhere who call you names and don’t like you because you’re gay or you’re black or Asian or whatever, there’s some stupid reason that people don’t like you for everything. But I like being around the people at school even though they might not like me. I try to love everyone because we’re supposed to.

As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Lincoln, NE, 2012
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org