Sara, 19, Ardsley, NY
When I started college last year, I only knew two people out of the 8,200 students who go to Oswego. It was good to have a clean slate and be able to completely start over and make new friends.
In high school, a lot of people didn’t like me. I’m super outgoing and wasn’t afraid to share my views. I’m the type of person who raised her hand so much the teacher refused to call on me. Some guys in my classes would disagree with me just to piss me off. When I did talk in class, someone would raise their hand and say, “I disagree with everything Sara says!”
My freshman year of high school, two guys cornered me on the stairs and one tried to slam his backpack into me. He’d already written “Let’s snuff that psycho dyke bitch” about me on Facebook a few days earlier. The guys got detention and that was it. Then they left me alone and I never had a problem with them again, but I still got chills every time I walked past them in the hall.
But one of the worst parts was what they called me. I hadn’t even really admitted my sexuality to myself. It scares me that they figured it out before I did.
I’ve kind of always known I was interested in girls. I’ve always felt a deeper connection with girls, but I never thought much about it. Then in middle school I toyed with the idea that I was bisexual. Then, sophomore year, I was dating this guy for nine months. It was pretty serious, and he was the first person I ever told I liked girls. Then the next year we weren’t together and I came out as bisexual my junior year. Nobody really said much. A lot of people weren’t surprised.
It was nice when I told my mom. She pulled me over and gave me a hug and said, “Thank you for trusting me with that. That must have been hard for you.” It didn’t surprise me that she felt that way. I was always raised that you don’t have to have a man to be happy. Life lessons in the cereal bowl.
I didn’t really come out to my dad until spring break this year. His response was, “Am I supposed to be surprised?” He said he doesn’t care as long as I’m happy. I realized it was stupid that I didn’t tell him before. I honestly don’t know why I made a big deal about it.
I’ve dated more guys than I have girls, but I realized this year I’m not really interested in guys. In relationships I had with guys I always felt something was missing or something was off. I like being equals. My girlfriend and I are both very small. I don’t feel like either of us need to be the dominant one, and there doesn’t have to be a power play. We’re not trying to be better than each other.
It’s more comforting for me to be with another girl. I feel like I connect better with girls. I’ve just sort of accepted I’ll never be happy with a guy. I like being with someone who understands, relatively, how a female mind works.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Ardsley, NY, 2011
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Corey, 16, Millburn, NJ
I’ve always been very adult-like. I had different interests than other kids. I did well in school but wasn’t athletic or into sports, and that’s what people talked about. Once I started middle school, the bullying got worse. I wasn’t out as gay in middle school, even to myself, but people suspected. But even if I wasn’t gay, it would have been something else. They’ll find anything. The teachers didn’t do anything to help, so my parents got involved.
In seventh grade, the bullying got so bad. I was so depressed. I planned to kill myself. I told my parents, and I was admitted to a hospital for a couple of weeks. That was really scary. I was home-schooled for the rest of the year. It was kind of difficult, but better than being at the school.
So I transferred to the Hudson School, a small private school with 25 kids in each grade. It’s been a great fit. I haven’t had any problems and everyone is so supportive. I’m president of the Gay-Straight Alliance. For Ally Week we had almost the whole student body participate. It was pretty cool to see.
LGBT activism is an important part of my life now. I’m involved with Garden State Equality. Last year, right after Tyler Clementi committed suicide at Rutgers, an anti-bullying bill was introduced to the legislature. Bullied students testified for the New Jersey State Legislature and shared their experiences. Garden State Equality asked me to testify before the Legislature about my experiences. The bill passed the State Legislature and Governor Christie signed it.
I have the strength to tell my story and be an activist because I know that I’m fighting to make the lives of other people better. I don’t want anyone to have to go through anything remotely as bad as I went through. Garden State Equality announced that I will be a recipient of the Lt. Laurel Hester Prize for Citizen Courage at this year’s Legends Dinner. I’m very proud and happy that I’m able to have such an impact on people’s lives. But I’m a pretty modest guy.
Now that a lot of middle schoolers at my school are aware of what I’m doing, some kids in the younger grades feel comfortable coming to me when they’re being teased or anything. I listen and try to help them out as best as I can. I talk to teachers and administrators on their behalf. It’s a bit of responsibility, but I really enjoy helping people.
I really want to start seeing a shift in culture away from bullying. I know that won’t happen overnight, but I think we need to educate children from a young age that you can be whoever you want to be, and to accept people for who they are.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Millburn, NJ, 2011
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Wake Up Call
On September 19, 2010, thirteen year old Seth Walsh attempted suicide after relentless anti-gay bullying at his California middle school. He died on September 29th, after nine days on life support.
aLater that same day, Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi jumped to his death after being outed on the Internet by fellow classmates.
Clementi and Walsh’s tragic deaths follow those of Asher Brown and Billy Lucas, both of whom took their own lives earlier this month after enduring anti-gay bullying for far too long.