Braxton, 20, Auburn, AL
I highly hold on to my evangelical roots even though they sort of slapped me in the face a little bit. But I grew up believing certain things, and just because I’m gay doesn’t mean they don’t make sense to me anymore.
There are some things I have to rethink and put different spins on. And people will say, “Well, you didn’t think homosexuality was right until you came out of the closet.” Well, I wasn’t open to discovering new things, and this puts the Scripture into a different light.
Until I started at Auburn, I went to a private evangelical Christian school in Memphis. I realized I was gay in probably the seventh grade, but if I had come out then I would have been expelled. The general consensus at my school, drawn from Romans 1, was that it wasn’t a sin to be attracted to men but that it was a sin to act on that attraction. And so I always said to myself, “I’m in the clear as long as I don’t do anything or tell anybody.”
Even since coming out, I am still more conservative than a lot of college students about sex and sex acts. I had a phase where I experimented, but I’d never say it was whorish or slutty. I had to think, it’s not legal for me to get married, so what is marriage for us? I decided it’s when two people are completely devoted to each other. It’s completely exclusive. I plan on not having serious sexual relations with someone until I get to that point. I think this cuts down on the drama and makes emotional detachment a lot easier, and I think it makes sex more special. My grandmother always raised me to be a Southern gentleman. She kept pennies in her purse and any time I said “yes, ma’am” or “no, ma’am” or held a door, she gave me a penny. I am a gentleman, and I think that intimidates some guys.
I came out by accident last year, during my first semester at Auburn. I was studying for a test with a friend and he was like, “I have a question and you just have to be honest. Are you gay?” I thought, I can lie like I’ve done a million times before or I can tell somebody and see how it feels. I said, “Yeah, I find other guys attractive.” And he’s like, “Oh, I was just wondering.” I was like, “That was it? No pitchforks or fire?
My first kiss with a boy — we’ll call him Boy X, since he wouldn’t want his name used. After I joined the Auburn Gay-Straight Alliance (AGSA), I thought this boy was cute so I asked if he’d want to hang out in my dorm sometime. We watched Milk. And I had some beer shoved in my closet. And Boy X is a big fan of beer. And we’re sort of chit-chatting back and forth. I’m asking what it’s like to be gay. I asked if he’d ever kissed anybody. And he said — actually, I forgot what his response was. I was too focused on saying, “Do you mind if I kiss you now?” And he said yes. And that was my first kiss with a boy.
My dates never last more than two weeks. I do want a relationship, but I have a full life on campus. I’m a zoology major. I came to Auburn because their zoology program is well regarded. I’ve known I wanted to work with reptiles since I was five. Both my parents are veterinarians, and my mom had a snake in college. His name was Alex and I’d see pictures and be mesmerized. When I was nine, my mom let me have a snake. I was like, “Having a snake would be the best thing.” The next year I bought one with my own money, and it just kind of snowballed. I’ve taken care of over 100 reptiles between then and now. Tiki is eight. He’s the only one I have here. He’s about to hibernate soon.
I’m also the political affairs director of AGSA. One of my projects this year is getting a local Episcopalian church more involved with the group, because a lot of people have been really stung by their church and given up on religion.
Now that I’m so involved with AGSA, I’m one of the few people who are the face of the gay community at Auburn. I’ve been thrown out of fraternity parties before. I carry a knife with me, because I’m such an open figure on campus.
Still, any university you go to is kind of a liberal pocket. We’re supported here. Anything outside of campus is different. On campus we only face opposition from highly religious groups and good ol’ Southern boys who are ingrained in what a man looks like and feel threatened by anything else. But when people walk by the AGSA booths and say “faggot” or something, we are just like, “Really? You mean, I’m gay?” We’re kind of smart-asses about it.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken at Auburn University, Auburn, AL, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Maddy, 16, New Rochelle, NY
The hardest thing about coming out, for me, was coming out to myself. From there, things got easier. My family is very accepting. I’ve managed to avoid getting picked on about it, for the most part. I have a girlfriend — who is amazing, by the way — and we’re an out couple in school. However, coming out to oneself is very difficult — at least, it certainly was for me. After all, society has built all these expectations up for us to fulfill, and finding out you’re LGBTQ is not one of them.
When I found out that I had feelings I would later describe as pansexual, I was really afraid. If I acknowledged and accepted this part of myself, then I could never be “normal” and I’d be denied rights.
There are people out there who are afraid of me, some of whom even publicly state that they want me dead. Of course, they don’t know me, but that only made them more surreal to me. However, I did come out, and I’m glad I did, because it takes a lot of courage to do so and I think it made me a stronger person.
Now I’m very proud of my identity as pansexual and also, though I discovered this later, my identity as genderqueer. I’ve always been too masculine to feel like one of the girls and too feminine to feel like one of the boys. And, if you think about it, just what is a girl or a boy anyway? If it was really all about what organs you had, then why should so much else be attached?
From the day you are born, and even before nowadays, people start to assume how you’ll act, what you’ll wear, what you’ll like, your skills, your goals and so much more, just from one part of your body. These concepts — man and woman, girl and boy — are so filled with assumptions that who can say what they are? Since I can’t, I’m not going to label myself as one right now, though this is just my opinion and I’m still thinking a lot about it.
While my identity as a queer person is very important to me, that’s not the only part of who I am. I’m a theater geek, an aspiring artist/writer, a lover of graphic novels and manga, a musician, a singer and actor, a total nerd when it comes to school, an optimistic pessimist, a Unitarian Universalist atheist, a liberal and a human. Just like you.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in New Rochelle, NY, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
