Chase, 19, Brooklyn, NY
I got my first tattoo on my 18th birthday. I’ve gotten seven since I’ve moved to New York. Tattoos are a showcase of my art and my passion. They’re so addicting.
The tattoo on my arm is my transition tattoo. I was blossoming into the person I am becoming, so I thought of orchid flowers. Pink and blue are symbolic colors for gender. The blue flower is bigger than the pink one, because it will never go away that I was a girl, but this is who I am now.
For a few weeks I wanted to go to the LGBT club at school. But I can’t. I can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t want to be out. I feel like if I come out, there will be stigma attached to me. Like, “Oh, there’s Chase, the guy who used to be a girl.” Since moving to the city, I’ve been 100-percent stealth. I live with a few kids from high school and another trans guy. They’re the only ones who know, other than my trans friends. I don’t mind people knowing. I just don’t advertise it.
For most people, realizing they’re transgender takes a lifetime. For me it only took a year. Once I have an idea in my head, I run with it. I’ve never wanted to slow down with this.
A little bit over a year ago, I was in a relationship with a girl who introduced me to a world of gender I had never known before. It was interesting to see that transgender people aren’t the freaks everyone makes them out to be. I started experimenting with ideas in my head. Once I thought about it, the idea that I was transgender made so much sense. Dating back to when I was 10 years old and had such strange feelings, I had just never been comfortable being a girl. I identified as a lesbian for four years, from 8th grade to right before senior year. I identify as straight now.
I’ve had plenty of girlfriends. Sex is different now that I identify as trans. My girlfriend said when I started identifying as transgender I took a much more physical, masculine role. And since going on T my sex drive has changed. It’s increased. A lot.
Also, all sorts of things are changing down there. My clit has grown a lot. A lot lot. The sensitivity is a little much sometimes, but it’s cool. I wasn’t expecting this much growth. I think it’s a little abnormal. Everyone grows but I don’t think everyone grows two inches in four months.
The more it grows the better for bottom surgery. I’m planning on seeking lower surgery but not for another 10 years, because that shit’s expensive. But I want a penis.
I’m having top surgery in two months. My insurance covers 80 percent of it. I have really great insurance. I’m excited to not have to bind, and be able to wear tank tops and low-cut shirts. I don’t have to hide anymore.
Top surgery will make my life 1000 times better, but I’m not even that uncomfortable with my body. I’ve never had a confidence issue, which is kind of strange; I feel like most trans guys have a confidence issue. I bind for a reason, but I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just able to accept my body for what it is, and know I won’t have tits in two months.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Brooklyn, NY, 2011
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
A great write-up for We Are the Youth!
A lovely article posted on Change.org this morning! Thanks Maia!
Jesse, 15, New York, NY
It’s only been three months since I came out as transgender, but it’s been a long journey. When I was very young, I’d use male pronouns for myself and was really adamant about it. But then I realized I was a girl, and fit the stereotype. When I went to a transgender meet-up group a few months ago and talked to transgender people, I realized how they felt was exactly how I felt.
Me and my friend were brainstorming boys’ name ideas. He was like, “Oh my God, I have the best idea,” and thought of Jesse. So I went to Starbucks and said my name was Jesse and they totally believed me. It was awesome and I just kept doing it again. I changed my name on Facebook. A few people asked about it, and I said, “Oh, it’s an inside joke.” I’ve told a few people, and I want to come out on my own terms.
My sister and my friends who know call me Jesse. My parents don’t. One of my friends calls me Mr. Anonymous.
At the beginning of freshman year I came out as a lesbian at school, but I’m not out as trans yet. I go to a religious school, and I’m the first openly queer person there. I didn’t know that I was the first one until I came out. I was like, “Oh my God, I’m so scared.” And I saw it as an opportunity. I had to help start the Gay-Straight Alliance. But they don’t publicize the things we do and won’t let us be an official club.
The first time I ever, ever came out as gay, I was 10. Everyone in my bunk at camp was talking about boys. I had a revelation, and was like, “I like girls.” I just kind of did it. I didn’t think of the implications. It’s a very supportive place. The girls were like, “Who do you have a crush on?” I dated this girl at camp a few years ago, and everyone found out. My younger sister came up to me and was like, “Are you gay?” It was hard for me to know she knew before I told her. My mom already knew I was gay. I was like, “Remember when I was 11, and I said I was a lesbian?” and she’s like, “I don’t care.”
When I said I was trans it was a different story. My parents were like, “You don’t know what you’re doing.” My sister tried to stand up for me.
I don’t think I’ll go on hormones until I’m at least in college. My parents are not on board yet. My parents took away my binder. My mom’s like, “I don’t know the health risks of this.”
I feel very uncomfortable right now. I know there are very few people who really respect me. No one will look at me as a guy. It’s hard for me to accept, but I know I have to give my parents time.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken at the Center Lane Gay Prom, Yonkers, NY, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
