Miss Lez Pageant, March 18th, 2012
The Knitting Factory, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
By Sarah Nakano
On Sunday night, I attended the Miss Lez Pageant at the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn. I don’t mean to be dramatic but IT WAS THE EPITOME OF PAGEANTRY EXCELLENCE and perhaps the greatest, gayest, glittery-est spectacle to have ever taken place. Ever. The event was hosted by comedian Murray Hill, who, wearing his powder blue suit, “put the ‘KING’ back in fucking funny.” After multiple dramatic introductions, Murray Hill emerged on stage and proceeded to do several laps around the spotlight. He introduced the six contestants who were to compete in the upcoming categories of platform, interview, swimsuit, evening gown, and talent (everyone’s talent ended up being stripping, in one form or another). The contestants were: Miss Que(e)ry (Bambi Galore), Miss Rebel Cupcake (Mary Wanna), Miss Choice Cunts (Rebecca Macabre) (my personal favorite), Miss Hey Queen (Brown Meshugana), Miss Dapper Q (Lea Robinson), and the crowd-pleasing Miss Wildcard (Sophia Urista)!
As a whole, all of the contestants’ efforts, preparatory work, and performances were highly impressive. Miss Rebel Cupcake’s rollerskating skills, Miss Que(e)ry’s elegant dress made out of the pages of a book, and Miss Hey Queen’s hip-hop dance skills were especially memorable. However, the contestant who I was consistently both amazed + disgusted by was Miss Choice Cunts AKA Rebecca Macabre. She rose to the competition with admirable valor, suited up in lovely costumes constructed out of tampons, tampon boxes, and pads. She charmed the audience with her bloody smile and elegantly threw bloody pads off the stage. The two camera guys tried to duck but unfortunately their efforts were not as swift as required. They were, much to the delight of Murray Hill and the rest of the audience, the only straight men in the room and they were noticeably terrified by the ongoing events. It was, I’m sure, a night they will never be able to forget. Miss Wildcard also exhibited a spectacular performance, riling up the audience, screaming, “CHOCHAS LIBRES! CHOCHAS LIBRES!”
The judges included the Village Voice’s Michael Musto, the World Famous *BOB*, Dynasty Handbag, Katrina del Mar, Jincey Lumpkin, and Velvetpark’s Grace Moon. Additionally, Jenny Shimizu was in the audience which led to my near cardiac arrest. As a young Japanese-American queer woman I am telling you with a fair amount of certainty that Jenny Shimizu is flawless. Do I need to re-hash details of Angelina Jolie, Madonna, her appearance on America’s Next Top Model and Jamie Babbit’s 2007 film Itty Bitty Titty Committee, Calvin Klein modeling, and her general badassery? No? Okay. To me she is an inspiration, an example, a symbol of cool + suave rolled into one 5′ 6” tatted up package. Unfortunately I sounded pretty dumb when I introduced myself and uncontrollably rambled about how great I think she is. But regardless, it was great.
The victor of Miss Lez 2012 was, unsurprisingly, Miss Wildcard (Sophia Urista). Although all of the contestants deserved to win, Miss Wildcard was the successor perhaps due to her efforts to engage the audience as well as her enthusiastic and extensive bouts of screaming. The event was culminated with the appearance of 2011’s winner Drae Campbell and the handing over of the trophy + wand + tiara + various pornographic DVDs to the 2012 winner, Miss Wildcard. Congratulations to Miss Wildcard, and may your chocha be libre forever!
Photo by Bex Wade