Ana, 18, Blauvelt, NY
In a way, I was pissed off to even have to come out. I think it’s stupid. Heterosexual people don’t have to come out as straight.
After I told my family I was gay in eighth grade, my dad didn’t talk to me for two or three years. He picked me up at school and we didn’t talk. I’d wake up and say good morning, then once in a while he’d say good morning back. But usually nothing.
I was born in Mexico and we came here when I was seven. My family’s very Catholic, but they work with a lot of gay families. I always thought they’d be fine with it. I was wrong, clearly.
When I turned 18, I started telling my dad again. My mom told him, “This is your daughter, she’s not gonna change,” and started making my dad talk to me. The only reason I told him again was my parents have a rule: No dating until you’re 18. So I told him I had a girlfriend and wanted to be honest with him.
Was Claire my first girlfriend? Bullshit. I dated people and I hooked up with people, but my parents weren’t aware of it before. They’ve always seen me as the good kid, compared to my two sisters. They think I’m a goody two-shoes.
But dating is kind of a weird word for me. I think dating is no good. I’d always been a let’s-just-have-fun kind of person until I met Claire.
I met Claire at Common Threads about a year ago. I didn’t really know who she was, and my then-really good friend A was interested in Claire, so I was helping my friend get with her. But three or four weeks after Common Threads, I met up with Claire again and started talking to her, and slowly an attraction happened.
When I asked Claire to prom, A and I ended up not being friends anymore. We’ve gotten into a lot of physical fights. My friend was a very special person to me, but I’m not exactly sad about it. You can’t get held up on things. Grudges aren’t exactly the best thing to hold. I can’t help her if she can’t get over it.
Claire’s still in high school, but that’s not weird for me. I think age is just a number. She’s been through a lot. She’s learned to grow up and be independent.
Like me, Claire’s very eco-friendly. We both care a lot about nature. She’s a vegetarian. My parents won’t allow it but when I move out, I can finally be a vegetarian.
I found a really great place in Nyack. I want to move in with friends in the summer. Nyack’s like gaytown. Very gay and hippie. I’m really excited.
I don’t think telling my parents right now that I have plans to move out would be the best idea. I wanted to go to a four-year college but my mom really wanted me to stay close because my father’s sick, so I went to Rockland Community College. I don’t think my father has a clue that I stayed home for him.
For me, family does come first. I want to go to Smith or Bard after next year, but two things are stopping me: money and needing to be close to home. Maybe if I was given a scholarship, I would go to one of those schools.
I’m going to be at RCC for another year. I was not looking forward to coming here at all, but I got involved with lots of things. I’m on student government and am president of the Gay-Straight Alliance. Now I don’t love it, but I definitely don’t hate it.
Not to brag, but I have that leadership thing. I think it’s because I grew up in a family of four women and one guy. I was always very strong-minded and open-minded. My grandmother always said that just because you’re a woman, that shouldn’t limit you in any way.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Stony Point, NY, 2011
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Veronica, 18, Highland Mills, NY
My whole family’s really musically inclined. My dad owns a DJ business. When I DJ with my dad, we’re best friends. It sucks, because I wish he was nice to me other times. He says, “You work for me. I have to be nice to you.”
I don’t think my dad hates me, but I feel like he has hatred toward me. If there was a thing where he could save either me or my sister, he’d save my sister. She’s really girly. She wears dresses all the time. She’s a cutie-patootie. He favors her, I think because he knows she’s straight. Even my mom says he likes her better.
Last year, my mom was choking on a piece of French toast. My dad didn’t care. I was so upset he was just sitting there watching her choke, so to make him mad I said, “I’m a fucking lesbian. And I like to eat pussy.” I think I wanted to make him angry to the point where he’d want to jump off the bridge.
The truth is, at that point I’d never actually done that — eaten pussy. I’m scared about putting what people pee out of in my mouth. I try to bubble myself. I’m very germaphobic. I’d have to really like someone to do that, and I’d never met anyone I liked enough. I want to believe in love. It’s hard for me to meet people. I don’t know anyone, and if I do, Ana takes them. Ana’s my good friend, but she’s my archenemy.
I’m bisexual, but I tend to only date women. If I date a man he has to be really charming. I’ve dated a lot of people. I feel like, if you’re a lesbian, what’s the point of dating someone who looks like a guy? Maybe because I am the guy one, so I gravitate toward lipstick lesbians.
I have some horrible dating stories. I haven’t met many lesbians who are sane. Maybe it’s because I have a tendency for picking up crazies. I’m dating someone now, though, who I really adore. I met her through my friend Zach. I was like, “Do you know anyone who’s gay?”
We had broken up and weren’t talking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was always looking at her pictures on Facebook and realized I missed her in some strange way. I ended up going to her job with my friends. She thought I was on a date with one of my guy friends, who’s gay. She flipped out. But then afterward we talked, and she said she wants to be in my life. One night she was getting out of work late, and I kissed her and asked her out again. She said yes.
We’ve been hanging out for two weeks. It’s been really different. I feel like she cares more. She really appreciates me now. I think I found someone I really care about.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Suffern, NY, 2011
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
