Braxton, 20, Auburn, AL
I highly hold on to my evangelical roots even though they sort of slapped me in the face a little bit. But I grew up believing certain things, and just because I’m gay doesn’t mean they don’t make sense to me anymore.
There are some things I have to rethink and put different spins on. And people will say, “Well, you didn’t think homosexuality was right until you came out of the closet.” Well, I wasn’t open to discovering new things, and this puts the Scripture into a different light.
Until I started at Auburn, I went to a private evangelical Christian school in Memphis. I realized I was gay in probably the seventh grade, but if I had come out then I would have been expelled. The general consensus at my school, drawn from Romans 1, was that it wasn’t a sin to be attracted to men but that it was a sin to act on that attraction. And so I always said to myself, “I’m in the clear as long as I don’t do anything or tell anybody.”
Even since coming out, I am still more conservative than a lot of college students about sex and sex acts. I had a phase where I experimented, but I’d never say it was whorish or slutty. I had to think, it’s not legal for me to get married, so what is marriage for us? I decided it’s when two people are completely devoted to each other. It’s completely exclusive. I plan on not having serious sexual relations with someone until I get to that point. I think this cuts down on the drama and makes emotional detachment a lot easier, and I think it makes sex more special. My grandmother always raised me to be a Southern gentleman. She kept pennies in her purse and any time I said “yes, ma’am” or “no, ma’am” or held a door, she gave me a penny. I am a gentleman, and I think that intimidates some guys.
I came out by accident last year, during my first semester at Auburn. I was studying for a test with a friend and he was like, “I have a question and you just have to be honest. Are you gay?” I thought, I can lie like I’ve done a million times before or I can tell somebody and see how it feels. I said, “Yeah, I find other guys attractive.” And he’s like, “Oh, I was just wondering.” I was like, “That was it? No pitchforks or fire?
My first kiss with a boy — we’ll call him Boy X, since he wouldn’t want his name used. After I joined the Auburn Gay-Straight Alliance (AGSA), I thought this boy was cute so I asked if he’d want to hang out in my dorm sometime. We watched Milk. And I had some beer shoved in my closet. And Boy X is a big fan of beer. And we’re sort of chit-chatting back and forth. I’m asking what it’s like to be gay. I asked if he’d ever kissed anybody. And he said — actually, I forgot what his response was. I was too focused on saying, “Do you mind if I kiss you now?” And he said yes. And that was my first kiss with a boy.
My dates never last more than two weeks. I do want a relationship, but I have a full life on campus. I’m a zoology major. I came to Auburn because their zoology program is well regarded. I’ve known I wanted to work with reptiles since I was five. Both my parents are veterinarians, and my mom had a snake in college. His name was Alex and I’d see pictures and be mesmerized. When I was nine, my mom let me have a snake. I was like, “Having a snake would be the best thing.” The next year I bought one with my own money, and it just kind of snowballed. I’ve taken care of over 100 reptiles between then and now. Tiki is eight. He’s the only one I have here. He’s about to hibernate soon.
I’m also the political affairs director of AGSA. One of my projects this year is getting a local Episcopalian church more involved with the group, because a lot of people have been really stung by their church and given up on religion.
Now that I’m so involved with AGSA, I’m one of the few people who are the face of the gay community at Auburn. I’ve been thrown out of fraternity parties before. I carry a knife with me, because I’m such an open figure on campus.
Still, any university you go to is kind of a liberal pocket. We’re supported here. Anything outside of campus is different. On campus we only face opposition from highly religious groups and good ol’ Southern boys who are ingrained in what a man looks like and feel threatened by anything else. But when people walk by the AGSA booths and say “faggot” or something, we are just like, “Really? You mean, I’m gay?” We’re kind of smart-asses about it.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken at Auburn University, Auburn, AL, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Trevor, 20, Montevallo, AL
I’m closer with my twin brother than anyone else in the world. When he came out to me as gay after high school, I had already been out since I was 16. He had seen what I had gone through but he never told me he was going through the same thing that I was. At the time I felt like it was a betrayal, but it was harder for him to accept he was gay than it was for me. He realized one day and didn’t know what to do. For me, I had realized for so long, so I was ready for it.
When I told my mom I was gay, she said, “When you were three years old you put a bra on your head and walked out in my heels and said, ‘Mama! I want to be a woman.’” She always thought I’d be transgender, and now that I’ve been doing drag a little bit she’s like, “You’re gonna like it too much. You’re going to want to be a girl.” But I assured her that, no, I don’t want to be a woman.
I feel more comfortable when I’m in drag. I’ve always been more feminine than my male peers. It’s not that I’m transgender or anything, but in the society we live in, I feel more anxious holding hands with my boyfriend as another boy than I do when I’m in drag. When I’m out of drag I dress kind of androgynous, in tight pants and a v-neck t-shirt. When I went to Auburn I could tell people would look at me kind of funny, like, “There’s that gay guy.” But when I was dressed as a woman no one looked at me twice, unless I was getting catcalled. But now that I live in Montevallo, there are so many gay people here. So I’m leaving drag behind a little.
At first my boyfriend didn’t know how to feel about me doing drag. Michael’s more masculine, and I’ve seen pictures of his exes. They’ve always been pretty feminine, and lately all of them have been turning into drag queens. But he’s very supportive.
Michael worked at Disney World with my twin brother. We went to a club and started dating the next month. That was two years ago, and he transferred to Montevallo this year. We’ve been talking about getting engaged, so we want to make sure we can live together first. He has the ring but he won’t show it to me. He wants it to be a surprise.
My parents adore him. My dad’s a really nice guy, but he scared the crap out of Michael. Both of my parents were in the Air Force, and my dad was deployed to Iraq so he had a gun in the house. He was like, “What are your intentions with my son? If you hurt him, I will have to shoot you.” My dad’s not that kind of guy, but he was doing it to make fun of Michael.
I’m very, very lucky my parents are so accepting. The military’s very focused on equality, but more about race and not about homosexuality, which is why I was scared to come out to my parents. It would have been an instantaneous thing if we had talked about it more. But as liberal as they are, it wasn’t something they felt comfortable talking about, I guess.
Because my parents were in the Air Force, we moved around a lot. I was born in Utah and have lived in Japan, Germany, Texas, Virginia and Alabama. I really liked moving around. I make and break friendships very easily. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I got to experience different cultures more than other people get to.
When I was young and naive I thought I’d be a judge advocate general. Then I realized I’m way too individualistic to be in the military. I’m just a protester at heart. I don’t want to stand in line just because people tell me to.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Montevallo, AL, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Anna, 19, Tuscaloosa, AL
When I was little I wanted to be a boy, and I would call myself Sam. I’d go to Sunday school and people would be like, “Is that a little boy or a little girl?” My mom would be like, “Why does it matter?”
My older sister Genny told me, “Mom and Dad didn’t think you’d be a lesbian. They thought you were going to be transgender.”
As I got older I realized I was comfortable being a female. While researching the gay community, I realized what I was feeling was the butchness of being a lesbian. I like short hair and hate dresses. It’s more of a masculine appearance than a masculine action. If I’m anything, I’m a soft butch. It’s more common here for lesbians to be more feminine. I don’t know if it’s societal or what.
I never try to do anything just to be weird or individual, but people have come up to me and told me I’m brave for dying my hair. I’m like, “Soldiers are brave. Firefighters are brave. I just dye my hair funny colors.” But so many people are scared to do strange things with their appearances.
I started dyeing my hair when I went to high school at the Alabama School of Fine Arts (AFSA). I felt so pent up at middle school. It was all a football culture, and everyone was wearing Abercrombie. It was like the University of Alabama but it didn’t have the small, artsy community to be part of.
I had wanted to be out in middle school, but I was scared because when my girlfriend Brittany first came out teachers had to walk her to class. Brittany and I dated for, like, a month, but I wanted to keep it a secret. I started hearing rumors about us, got ticked about it and broke up with her.
But my high school was such an open place it was easy to be out. You were seen as uncool if you were discriminatory to gay people or if you were really religious. Anything seen as cool in Alabama is seen as weird at ASFA. It was awesome.
When I started high school, I was 14 and shouting that I was a lesbian from the rooftop. I became the big lesbian on campus and the big activist. I helped found the school’s Gay-Straight Alliance and started my school’s participation in National Day of Silence.
I realized I was gay when I was in fourth grade. I had seen a music video for the band t.A.T.u. I looked them up on the Internet. It was the first time I had seen the word “lesbian.” Then I went to a Girl Scout sleepover at the Birmingham Museum of Art, and I had t.A.T.u. written on my hand because I thought writing on my knuckles was really cool. This girl said she really liked them. Then I started staring at her all night. I realized, “I don’t just want to be friends with her. I think I have a crush on her. I think I’m gay.” People say that t.A.T.u. are fake lesbians, but hey, they helped a lot of people!
I came out to my parents and my sister when I was 13, and they have been incredibly supportive. My mom is very active in the community, and she went to Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meetings. My dad wants to be more of an activist than me. He goes off on anyone who says anything anti-gay. My parents are liberal for Alabama. They met on a Democratic political campaign.
I’m part of the Alabama Safe Schools Coalition, so when I came to the University of Alabama everyone kind of expected me to take a leadership role. And I’m like, “I just got here. Chill.” But I found gay people very quickly. I marched in the homecoming parade with the gay group, Spectrum. We were holding hands so we wouldn’t get separated, and someone wrote a letter to the school paper saying, “I’m a fan of free speech but I don’t want to see guys kissing and holding hands.” And no one was kissing! You can’t kiss and walk at the same time.
But the environment here is surprisingly alright. I haven’t walked around holding a girl’s hand yet, but I’ve had my “Legalize Gay” shirt on. I know there are homophobes because I hear about them, but I think it’s a generally accepting campus.
I’m excited to be here and take courses that will help me have a career in zoo education. My mom forced me to volunteer somewhere in high school since I spent all summer watching TV. My friend volunteered at the zoo, then quit, and I ended up volunteering there for five years. I love pretty much any animal. Except sharks.
When I was in high school, usually when I was with a large group of people my age, we were there to talk about diversity. It was nice that at the zoo, instead of talking about how different we are and how much we loved each other, we were there to talk about the animals.
So many people in my senior class of high school had this drive to get out of Alabama. But I feel like if all the liberal-minded people leave, it’s a haven for bigotry. But I don’t know if I’ll stay in-state after I graduate from college. I want to work in zoo education, and when it comes down to what I want to do, the Montgomery or Birmingham zoos are my only options. Surprisingly, my dream zoo is in San Francisco.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken in Tuscaloosa, AL, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Chris, 18, Auburn, AL
I love soccer. I could watch it for hours. I coached kids over the summer, and I love watching them develop as the season goes on. It’s exciting to see them get excited.
I used to play, but I broke my knee a year ago so I can’t run much. I was in a wheelchair for six weeks. I couldn’t use crutches because I had just had surgery on my shoulder from a four-wheeler wreck. I was right out of rehab and had to be stupid and go skateboarding. That’s me in a bubble: one accident after another. I want to go in the trauma field of nursing because of my life experiences.
I got hit in the face two weeks ago on the way to a football game with Arkansas by a group of drunk 40-year-old men. I had a rainbow belt on and they thought I was a gay guy. Then they saw my chest so they started backing off. And I had to open my big mouth and say, “I’m not a woman.” So I’m just lying on the ground getting the crap beat out of me, waiting for it to end.
Stuff like that bothers me emotionally, but I can get over it physically. When I’m wearing my chest binder and people think I’m a guy, I don’t get bothered as much. Yesterday I was in Wal-Mart and a woman called me “sir,” and was talking to me like I was a man. There wasn’t that usual awkward pause where people don’t know what to call me. That was the best moment of my life.
I’ve told everyone I’m transgender but my roommates. I’m sure they’ll accept me, but trying to get through the policies of Auburn University is more of a problem since the school doesn’t have a policy dealing with transgender students.
I haven’t legally changed my name for the university. I’m waiting until I’m out of the dorm, so I’m not homeless. If the university sees me as a man, what are they going to do with me, since I’m living in a female dorm?
I’m the only out transgender person I know of on campus. There are supposedly two others, but they’re stealth.
My given name is Kahley, and that’s what my roommates call me. Everyone else calls me Chris. I talked to my mom about it, and Christopher Adam was the name I was supposed to have because my parents thought I would be a boy.
I came out to my family this year, and they’ve been really good about it. My mom’s the one who set up the appointment to get me on hormones. My mom’s really OCD, so she said as long as I don’t grow sideburns, she’s fine with it. I was tired of hiding who I am. But I want to be happy. I’m ready to take the next step.
I didn’t even know what transgender was until less than two years ago, when I started looking on the Internet. I was an army brat and grew up in really conservative, small towns. I was pretty sheltered from the world until about a year and a half ago. But when I learned what it meant to be transgender, it made so much more sense to me.
Growing up, there were times I’d do things that little girls should not do. I tried to pee standing up for the longest time. And every time I was forced to wear a dress, I cried. By second grade, my mom stopped trying to make me wear a dress.
I have a girlfriend, Amber. When we first met last year, I identified as a lesbian, but the label never really felt right on me. But I came out to Amber as transgender and she’s been accepting. She just changed her orientation on Facebook to straight. She labeled herself a lesbian before, but now she labels herself as straight when people ask her. She doesn’t care what other people think. She doesn’t love me as a girl or as a guy. She loves me for me.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken at Auburn University, Auburn, AL, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
Quincy, 18, Montevallo, AL
Lambda Chi doesn’t care if you’re gay or straight, or what race or religion you are. My big brother in the fraternity’s also gay. He’s the fraternity president and dating the rush chair. At mixers we can bring a same-sex date. I really like the brotherhood events and the stories I’ve learned from my fraternity.
I went through rush and got my bid from Lambda Chi. Lambda Chi is the first frat that said no to the pledge system, because it leads to hazing. They don’t even call us pledges. I’m an associate.
When I was looking at colleges, I didn’t think I’d want to go to Montevallo because it’s in a small town in Alabama. But then I saw how represented the GLBT community was. It’s been wonderful.
When I started school, I wanted to be a choral director. I was classically trained at piano and still sing in the choir concert, but I switched my major to social work and psychology. I realized I really want to help people.
It’s so great to be in a place that’s open and cool. It’s definitely a change from high school and middle school. I moved from Michigan to Tuscaloosa in eighth grade. Throughout high school there were people whose parents were like, “We’re not racist but … we don’t want our kids to date people of a different race.”
I got picked on, especially in the South. This guy in eighth grade rode our bus and hit me upside the head. We took it to the police and met with the middle school administrators. Then I had to go to high school with him. I reported every single thing he did to the school counselor. He eventually dropped out of high school.
I was always really quiet and more feminine, so people thought I was gay, but I didn’t want to be. My local church was really conservative. I was really afraid I wasn’t going to make it to heaven. In 10th grade, I was dating someone but wasn’t open about my relationship.
During that time, I was really depressed a lot. I can honestly say I thought of ending everything. There was one day I got in a fight with my mom. I remember crying so hard that day. Later, I was clenching a bottle of her painkillers.
I really think it was divine inspiration that I didn’t die. I just sat there and eventually calmed down. I thought about how I wanted to be a music teacher, and if I died I wouldn’t be able to do that. I talked to a school counselor. I never did tell my mom about that.
After that, I tried to become more optimistic. My absolute BFF was raised Unitarian, and she got me involved in the Unitarian church. I met a lot of other gay people there who gave me lot of inspiration. I still believe in God.
Around 10th grade I started telling a lot of my friends I was gay. I’m kind of glad. Before then I was scared, but once people were like, “Whatever,” I could be more open. That was really great. My dad is really cool about it and my mom has gotten better. I brought my last boyfriend around, but we don’t really talk about it. My grandmother’s amazing. She’s a member of Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). She just wanted to understand.
I’m so happy with how things are now. I’m in one of the best schools ever. I feel really good about myself. I think I’m making a lot of good decisions.
As told to Diana Scholl.
Photo by Laurel Golio, taken at the University of Montevallo, AL, 2010
To tell your story, email hello@wearetheyouth.org
What did YOU do for Halloween?
After our last post, we drove to photograph and interview Audri, a 15 year old in Laurel, MS. Audri decided to be home schooled after facing constant bullying in the public school system; she is now less than a year away from attending college. We really enjoyed meeting Audri as well as her seven newborn puppies — interview and photo to come!
Fun fact: Laurel, MS is a relatively small town in southeast Mississippi, former home of Lance Bass and Parker Posey (one of whom is gay!).
Post puppy time, we got back in the car and headed to Tuscaloosa, Alabama, for our first night off, spent at the lovely La Quinta Inn. The following morning, we met with Anna, a freshman at the University of Alabama, to profile her at her sister’s house in town. We also met with the U of A school paper, article coming soon!
We then drove to Montevallo (the South’s most liberal town) to meet with Trevor, president of the University of Montevallo’s Gay-Straight Alliance, a beautiful drag queen and all around nice guy. Trevor informed us that Montevallo is a (super) liberal oasis in a (super) conservative state. We also interviewed Quincy, a member of Lamba Chi, a progressive fraternity on campus that openly welcomes gay students. Quincy and his frat-brother (another gay!) later took us to the town’s Mexican restaurant, El Agave. After enchiladas and guacamole, we proceeded to a Lamba Chi Halloween Party (yes, we’re 25, and yes, we went to a frat party), where everyone was very welcoming.
In the morning, we drove to Birmingham and went to the Civil Rights Institute, a moving museum that documents the civil rights struggle of Black Americans in Birmingham and throughout the South. Unfortunately, we had to cut our visit short to head back to the Atlanta airport.
All in all, it’s been a most amazing trip, complete with overload on all things fried, lack of sleep and too much time in the car. In all seriousness, though, what we’ll take away from this trip are the moving stories that we’ve heard and the brave people who have told them. We look forward to sharing them in the upcoming weeks.
Keep Alabama Beautiful
Hi y’all! We’re currently in Laurel, Mississippi (very exciting for one of us) at the lovely Rodeway Inn. Since we don’t have a minute to waste on this trip (putting our donor money to good use!) let’s recap the past 3 days:
Day 2 at Mercer was jam-packed with six interviews and portrait sessions. Although the community was small, the LGBT population was incredibly diverse and excited to share their stories. That evening we attended the Common Ground meeting, which was interesting and informative!
Post-meeting, Noah took us to the (best) wing place near campus where we ordered fried okra, pickle chips, delicious wings and $2 beer! And here’s a fun fact that Noah shared: Macon, Georgia is home to more churches per capita than ANYWHERE IN THE UNITED STATES.
The next morning we woke up at 6 am (ugh), stumbled to our sweet ride (see above!) and drove two hours to Statesboro, Georgia. There we met with Derrick Martin, a super-impressive freshman at Georgia Southern. You may have heard of Derrick last spring when he made national news after being kicked out of his home for wanting to take his boyfriend to prom. He later founded Project Life Vest, an amazing organization that helps LGBT youth in crisis.
For lunch: Shrimp and grits, fried shrimp and sweet tea, of course. All for a total of $12! What a Southern steal (can you tell we’re from NYC?!). Laurel, suffering from a migraine, finally relinquished control of the car to Diana who did a superb driving job from Statesboro to Auburn, Alabama, a long, long drive.
That evening we attended the Auburn University Gay-Straight Alliance meeting. Being in the heart of the Bible Belt (and an SEC school where football is the second religion), we were happily shocked at the huge turnout – about 60 people. We then had a lovely dinner with the group and the next day we met with four students and a pet lizard. Interviews and portraits to come!
Last night we were back on the open road to Mississippi, stopping in Selma, Alabama for dinner and historical significance! Downtown Selma looks right out of the 1960s (really amazing), reminding us that the road to equality is not an easy one.
After Laurel pulled over at every historical marker, we made our way out of town and onto Mississippi! Thanks to Kandace for housing us in Auburn, Braxton for coordinating, the AGSA for being awesome and all the wonderful people we met at Auburn.
War Eagle!
